


Now cracks a noble heart

by trying_to_spell_both_our_names_at_once



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Manipulation, Gaslighting, Gen, In a way, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, Villain Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), brief but there, he's just super manipulative, sorta - Freeform, tommy's exile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27989124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trying_to_spell_both_our_names_at_once/pseuds/trying_to_spell_both_our_names_at_once
Summary: “What’s this?”Dream leaned down, his fingers picking through the rubble and picking something up.Tommy’s heart stops. Clutched in Dream’s hand was his compass, which must have flung from his neck earlier. Tommy thinks he feels his entire body go cold."Give that back."...Just a small story exploring Tommy's mental state, the compasses, and Dream and his unhealthy relationship.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 329





	Now cracks a noble heart

**Author's Note:**

> I joined this fandom like a month ago because I kept seeing it everywhere, and wow a lot happened since then lol. I'm loving Tommy's arc right now, and him and Dream are really crafting this really cool relationship with each other that I just needed to explore. I saw Wilbur had given Tommy and Tubbo their own compasses and I just felt the need to write a little piece including it, especially paired with Dreams current tendency to blow Tommy's stuff up. This is my first time writing for this fandom so here goes nothing lol
> 
> I've missed the last couple of streams due to being super busy at work and school, so this probably isn't canon-compliant, but oh well. I hope you guys enjoy!

What a messed up world it must be, for your friends to betray you and your enemies to become your friend. 

Tommy doesn’t like it that much, but being honest there hasn’t been a lot about recent events that he has liked anyways. 

Betrayed by his best friend. Exiled from the place he called home once again. Left on his own in the middle of nowhere forced to create everything from scratch, multiple times too. 

There isn’t much of a bright side here, he has to admit. It’s looking kind of dull. He’s exhausted, barely able to sleep with everything going on, and his clothes are starting to rip and tear from the wear. Most annoyingly, his hair is growing long, which seems like such a trivial thing but it keeps brushing his ear which is quite annoying when he’s trying to focus on other things. 

All in all Tommy’s life has been pretty damn shitty, and he doesn’t really know how to go from here. Does he keep living like this? Constantly in this bleak pattern of mining, going to the nether, and crafting things that mean nothing and will inevitably be taken away from him? He doesn’t want to live like this. He wants to go home. He wants to be with his friends again. He wants to sit and watch the sunset with Tubbo by his side. 

But Tubbo doesn’t care anymore. Tubbo exiled him, banished him from Tommy’s home. Look, Tommy understood he did some morally questionable things, he truly did, but he never thought that Tubbo would turn against him like this, not in the way he did. Especially after practically promising he wouldn't.

He thinks he’d be able to deal with the exile a lot better if Tubbo just came to visit. That’s the biggest problem. Sure, Tubbo exiled him, but there are ways to get around that, ways to work it out. Sure Tommy had to be over here at all times or risk getting his last life taken from him, but everyone could come to see him. A bunch of people had! But not Tubbo. 

Tubbo only came when Tommy wasn’t there, as if he was purposefully ignoring him, pushing Tommy even further away. Tommy never thought that exile meant no Tubbo either. He was almost sure that Tubbo would come and visit, explain himself better, spend time with him just like old times, just in a new location. Or something like that. Tommy didn’t really know what was going to happen when he left, he was more concerned with the fact that he had to leave in the first place. 

It’s been almost two weeks now, two weeks here alone. Two weeks was plenty of time for Tubbo to come and visit, things back at L’Manburg couldn’t’ve been that busy right? There wasn’t so much to do that he couldn’t spare even an hour of his time at least once. No, Tommy had to accept the hard realization that Tubbo had plenty of time to come and visit, and he simply hadn’t. He didn’t want to. 

He can’t believe his best friend, who had been stuck at his side since pretty much the beginning, had betrayed him twice now. Once by actually exiling him, and twice when he decided that meant never talking to each other again. 

Tommy sits by the ocean and stares at the setting sun. He holds his compass in his hand, the words “Your Tubbo” lovingly carved into the side by his dead brother. It pointed back towards L’Manburg, back towards Tubbo’s white house. 

Tommy dragged his finger over the inscription, biting his lip as his fingers danced over the groves. Your Tubbo. What a sweet thing, something that meant so much to him the moment he got it. But now Tommy had to wonder if that was even true. It used to be, no doubt about that. It was always Tubbo and him against the world, the two of them side by side for all of eternity. But now? Tubbo wasn’t really his anymore, not since he told Tommy to leave and never regretted it for a minute. 

Tommy cared. He cared so much. Just being here without Tubbo by his side hurt, ached like a missing limb. He missed Tubbo so much. More than anything else. He thinks he’d be alright with never seeing anyone else ever again as long as he was with Tubbo. Which seems dramatic, but here he was, with literally almost everyone except Tubbo and he felt like catapulting himself off the highest cliff. 

But Tubbo didn’t care. He couldn’t care. Tommy would do anything to go see his friend again, to not be so lonely, but he couldn’t. Nothing without the risk of death. But Tubbo didn’t have that limitation, Tubbo could come at any moment in time. And yet he didn’t. He didn’t! Tommy had to face the facts. Tubbo just didn’t care about him anymore. He was glad Tommy was gone. 

Or at least that’s what Dream said. And what an asshole that man was. Tommy hated him, really truly despised him. Tubbo would have never turned his back on Tommy if it wasn’t for that green-faced bastard. Dream came around almost every day. Or at least every other day. He was the most consistent visitor Tommy had, no one else visiting as often or for as long.

Tommy really hated Dream, and yet the man had been nothing but horrible brutally honest to him. He took his stuff and blew it up, destroying everything Tommy worked for, but he also helped out, he gave Tommy what he needed and helped build a bridge in hopes that more people would come to visit. He joked around, even if the humor was dark and normally at Tommy’s expense. As much as Tommy hated it, Dream was probably one of his closest friends at the moment. 

And did he hate it. He made sure to remind Dream of this every few minutes, but Dream always just laughed and brushed it off. He brushed everything off. Like Tommy’s voice didn’t matter, like his thoughts and actions weren’t important, weren’t even worth debating. Tommy wanted to go back; Dream stopped him at all costs. Tommy wanted to hate Dream, but Dream kept denying that he did. Tommy wanted to dive into the lava to see just how warm it was, and Dream pushed him back every time, with laughter in his voice and amusement in his taunts. 

But yet he always came over, spent time with Tommy, and listened to him ramble even if he thought it was annoying. He helped build Tommy a bridge and helped him mine, let him keep his diamond pickaxe, and patiently let Tommy yell and rant at him. Most of all Dream was just there, infuriating and aggravating but there, which was more than everyone else could say. More than Tubbo could say at least. 

Dream also told him about what the others were up to, gave him updates on L’Manburg and Tubbo even if it hurt. Dream never spared him the details, he told Tommy everything with sickening truth behind his words. And Tommy believed him. He hated it, but he believed it. 

He believed that L’Manburg was thriving without him, that Tubbo said that it was because Tommy wasn’t there. He believed that everyone was so much happier and better without him and that Tubbo didn’t regret a thing. Truths that hurt, that burned and scraped at Tommy’s insides. But they were truths. They had to be. Dream wouldn’t not take the opportunity to rub it all in Tommy’s face. 

What a life he was living. Abandoned by his best friend, his only consistent companion someone he hated with all his guts. 

What a life he lived. And would be living for a while. 

That was the kicker wasn’t it? He was never going to be able to go back. Never going to be able to set his eyes on the country he created every again. Never wander the streets and sleep in his own house again. It was horrible. He would be stuck out here in this dirty place for the rest of his life, rotting away into nothing, all alone. 

God, he hated the loneliness. That’s what got him every time. How alone he was. Even with his friends there was a certain separateness, a gap between them. Because they always left in the end, always had to go back while Tommy was stuck here. While he was stuck staring at the walls of his tent listening to his discs all alone, watching the sunset with no one by his side. 

He dipped his feet into the water, the cold shocking him but not by much. He had gotten used to it by now. He tucked the compass back into his shirt, mentally reminding himself to put it back into his ender chest later. He didn’t want to lose it, couldn’t lose it. Even while knowing he meant nothing to Tubbo, he couldn’t stop hanging on. He never would, no matter how much it hurt. Even if it was easier to let go. 

Well, they had said he was selfish.

He stands up, swaying on his feet. He should probably sleep tonight; he doesn’t think he’ll be able to. Every time he closes his eyes all he sees is Tubbo standing in front of him, nothing but disappointment and anger in his eyes. All he can hear is Dream’s laugh, Tubbo telling him he’s exiled, the constant clash of weapons and screaming that has been haunting him ever since the war, the sounds of explosions, Wilbur’s voice whispering into his ear. _Let’s be the bad guys Tommy._

He doesn’t want to be a bad guy. He thinks he might be. 

He looks to the side, briefly wondering where Ghostbur went. He wonders if he wants to know. Ghostbur had been on his side for most of this journey, and Tommy wasn’t sure if that made it more painful or not. Tubbo said that Tommy was becoming the next Wilbur. He had spent hours wondering if that was true, if he was doomed to go as insane and paranoid as his brother went. If he would lead to L’Manburg’s destruction if he hadn’t left, if he still would lead to it. 

He had done some horrible things, just like Wilbur had. He had hurt people, had been selfish, had acted without care for anyone else. And how stupid was he for that? He knew what pain Wilbur had caused, had pretty much been by his side for most of it. And yet here he was, wandering down the same path, forcing Tubbo to make hard decisions in order to stop him. 

So selfish. So irresponsible. So stupid. So alone. 

At least Ghostbur was happy, despite being a constant reminder of just how badly Tommy fucked up. He had little to no memories of the bad stuff, just the happy times, the times when they were good and happy and everything was fine. That seemed so long ago. 

Tommy wonders what would happen if he became a ghost like him. Would he forget all the bad stuff too? Would he forget about all of this? Would he be able to exist without the constant ache of longing? He ached for that freedom, to be able to remember his best friend without the constant loop of ‘he betrayed you’ running through his mind. 

Tommy thinks about that almost every time he sees his dead brother, calm and soft, everything that he wasn’t before his death. Tommy wants to be like that. He’s so tired of being mad, of being betrayed by those he cares about. Eret, Techno, and now Tubbo too. So many people. 

And it’s all his fault isn’t it? All of this happened because he couldn’t stop it. He saw signs of Wilbur going insane and he didn’t stop it, he let his brother fall to the point where blowing up L’Manburg was the only option he thought he had. He couldn’t save him. And now, he had seen how being president had affected Tubbo, had seen the signs of stress and frustration and yet he did nothing to help, even made it worse sometimes because he was so caught up in his damn discs. He wanted his discs. He wanted his Tubbo. 

His brother went insane and he didn’t stop it. His best friend cracked under pressure and Tommy was the reason why. 

It was just all so unfair! He didn’t want this! He didn’t mean for this to happen! 

The despair was crawling up his chest, choking him as he stood there in front of his tent, staring at the place he called home. How pathetic was this? This small ugly tent being the place he had to call home for what seemed like the rest of his life? 

He felt like he was drowning, his breath catching in his throat as thoughts swirled around his head, the silence pressing down on all sides, blaring the fact that he was alone. So alone. This tent would be his home and there was nothing he could do about it, this horrible little tent that he built after losing the home and the people he fought so hard to keep. 

He barely even registered when he first lashed out. He was just so lonely. So upset. So fucking angry at himself and everyone else. It was choking him, overwhelming him and tears were building in his eyes and he couldn’t feel a thing. 

He reached out and grabbed the tent and pulled. He yanked block after block out and smashed them on the ground, tearing the thing to the ground because he needed to do something. Anything to curb the dark pit inside of him that was eating him up. 

He screamed, wrapping his fists in the fabric and slamming them down, ignoring the spikes of pain it left him. He screamed, tears rushing down his cheeks and he let everything out, every ounce of anger and regret and sorrow swirling in his chest. He screamed and screamed because who would stop him? Who would hear him all the way out here? So far away from anyone who he thought cared. 

He’s just so angry. Angry at Wilbur for everything he did. Angry at Tubbo for exiling him. Angry at himself for being such a fuck up that this all happened. He’s just so mad at the world, at himself, and everyone who stared at him with pity in their eyes like he’s some helpless child that hasn’t fought and won their wars for them. He’s angry because being angry is so much easier than hurting. 

The dirt was digging into his knees as he collapsed in the middle of the wreckage, wood shattered and splintering into his hands, the fabric dirty and a little torn, ruined just like him. 

He was still sobbing, but the anger was gone now, replaced by a bleak nothingness. Even the anger left him alone. How pathetic is that? He feels so tired, his eyes and head aching with the force of the tears and the exhaustion from flailing around as he did. He takes some gasping breaths, his chest still tight like he hadn’t breathed in ages. The air was too salty around here, clean and fresh. Different from the way it was back at home. Was that a weird thing to notice? 

He hears something shift beside him and he scrambles up to his feet shakily, scrambling for his sword as he turns, expecting to see a mob behind him. But there wasn’t. All there was was a smiling mask staring at him, a head turned slightly to the side and examining Tommy like he was some sort of specimen. 

“What are you doing here?” Tommy snapped, trying to pretend like his voice wasn’t scratchy and weak. He refused to be that weak in front of Dream. Shouldn't have broken down like this in the first place. He was pathetic. “I don’t want you here.”

“That was quite the show,” Dream said, his voice calm and unreadable. Tommy hated that the most, never being able to tell what Dream was thinking, to be able to examine his facial expression or voice. “What’s this?” 

Dream leaned down, his fingers picking through the rubble and picking something up. 

Tommy’s heart stops. Clutched in Dream’s hand was his compass, which must have flung from his neck when he was raging. 

“Hey! Give that back,” He reached forwards but Dreams backs up, completely unfazed. “Hey dickhead! That’s mine! Give it back to me!” 

He’s starting to panic again, because Dream has taken so much from him. He can’t lose this too. Can’t lose the last piece of Tubbo he really has. 

“Your Tubbo,” Dream laughs, a small chuckle that makes Tommy flinch slightly. “How sweet. Where does it point?” 

Tommy doesn’t reply, gritting his teeth as his hands clenching into fists. 

“Tommy?” 

“Tubbo,” Tommy finally allows. “It points to Tubbo.” 

"Awe," Dream taunts him, sounding amused at this turn of events. "How adorable, a compass to remind you where your best friend is. Should I even call him that anymore? You guys aren't really friends anymore after all."

Dreams laughing, taunting him once again and Tommy wants to fight him. He wants to kill him, even if he’s in full enchanted armor and Tommy is wearing nothing. Maybe if he tries Dream will finally kill him. He shakes the thought from his head. 

“Who gave this to you, Ghostbur?” Dream cocks his head again, and Tommy forces out a nod. Dream tosses it into the air, catching it with his other hand like it isn’t Tommy’s most prized possession. “You think he gave Tubbo one too? That seems like something he’d do. I haven’t seen it though; he hasn’t mentioned it either. Maybe he just doesn’t care.” 

Tommy wants to deny it, wants to scream that Tubbo does care, that they’re still best friends despite it all and he must miss him. He has to. But Tommy knows that isn’t true. If Tubbo missed him he would come to see him, if Tubbo missed him he would take back the exile. 

“Maybe I should keep this,” Dream muses and Tommy sees black. 

“No!” He screams, moving forwards again but he’s too unsteady on his feet to do anything but look pathetic and ridiculous. 

“Just in case you know?” Dream sounds even more amused now, clutching onto the compass. “If we ever have to take drastic measures and destroy the portal to keep you from getting in, we can’t have you owning a compass that leads you right to us can we? What if you team up with Technoblade? He's public enemy number one and he lives awfully close to you. This compass could possibly be putting the president at risk.” 

“Please Dream,” Tommy isn’t above getting on his knees and begging. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Dream destroys it, he thinks he might shatter into a million pieces. Dream just laughs again, head thrown back and Tommy can see his mouth, curved up into a smile. 

Then he throws the compass on the ground in front of him, and Tommy falls to his knees in order to grab it, snatching it up before Dream changed his mind. 

“You can keep it for now,” Dream shrugs. “Just cause I’m your friend.”

“Thank you Dream,” Tommy whispers with genuine thankfulness, tears pricking his eyes again as he holds it close, finger darting across the words, looping it around his neck. The ender chest is too far away to put it in and Tommy doesn’t want to risk it while Dream’s still there. 

“Anytime,” Dream waves a hand. “I just came to see how you were doing. Not so good it looks. I’d offer to help, but well, we both know what you’ll ask for.” 

Longing hits him again, and he closes his eyes, almost able to picture L’Manburg in his mind. 

“Just for a day?” He asks anyways. 

“No.” Dream’s voice is firm. “You show up and I’ll kill you Tommy. You know that. I’ll end you.” 

Tommy grits his teeth, feeling the little bit of hope he had left drain from him. He should have expected that honestly. 

“Keep up the good behaviour and you’ll have visitation rights by next Christmas,” Dream says, and he sounds so cheery, so casual. Tommy wants to scream. Can feel it bubbling up again. He swallows it down. Next Christmas. He was hoping for this one. Maybe even early so he could celebrate Tubbo’s birthday with him. He shouldn’t have hoped. Hope gets you nowhere. 

He stands up again, turning from Dream so the other man can’t see how close he is to crying again. He can’t be weak, especially not in front of Dream. He shakily starts picking up the ruins of his tent, his only home. He might be able to have fixed it by morning if he’s lucky. 

He hears a sigh behind him, and then Dream is by his side, picking up the pieces as well. 

“What are you doing?” Tommy asks, tensing as he watches Dream work. 

“Helping you fix this obviously,” Dream snarks back. 

“I don’t need your pity,” Tommy snarls. He’s so tired of pity, of everyone staring at him like he’s some helpless useless kid. He’s tired of everyone’s heavy eyes and presents like he can’t do anything for himself. He can! He’s strong and resourceful and he can do it himself. He can. 

“Then stop doing things to deserve it,” Dream grumbled. “And this isn’t pity that much. I’m just trying to help, okay? Just let me do this.”

Tommy grits his teeth but nods, silently getting to work again. He doesn’t have the energy to find something else to talk about, and Dream seems content to work in silence. 

They separate the rumble quickly, and Dream disappears for a moment and comes back with unbroken wood, placing it gently on the ground. 

“There,” Dream stands up and sighs. “I have to head back. There’s still so much to do at L’Manburg. The town’s coming along beautifully you know.” 

Tommy wants to be mad, wants to yell at Dream for taunting him like this, dangling the idea of a perfect L’Manburg in front of his face and bragging about how lovely it is, the unspoken ‘you can’t see it’ echoing between them. But Dream was being nice. Dream had been so nice lately. 

“Can you,” Tommy trailed off, staring at the ground and gritting his teeth. Just for a moment he needs to show his pride down in hopes that maybe Dream will listen to him. “Can you tell Tubbo I miss him?” 

Dream stares at him for a very long minute before he starts chuckling, shaking his head and reaching over to pat Tommy’s shoulder. The touch makes him want to scream. 

Then Dream turns and leaves, walking through the portal without another look back. Tommy stares at his tent that he still needs to properly pitch before turning and walking back to the beach, sticking his feet into the water and staring up at the stars, his compass clutched tightly in his hand. 

________________________________________

Dream doesn’t tell Tubbo what Tommy said, the same way he doesn’t tell Tommy how much Tubbo misses him. It would derail every plan Dream has for the two of them. 

And if a small kernel of guilt crawls into his mind and his hands shake a little after watching Tommy fall apart like that, well he doesn’t admit it. 

___________________________________________

Two boys on opposite sides of an ocean stare up at the stars, identical compasses clutched tightly in their hands as they wish more than anything to be able to follow it to their other half. 

The sun rises once again, and both boys tuck their compasses away and continue on their day as if a piece of themselves isn’t shattering with every minute apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!! <3


End file.
